Monday 14 April 2014

Let the revolutions begin - end the tyranny no 2: the tyranny of news

I have been fed up with the way the TV and radio, and the newspapers for that matter too, give us our news, for years. The TV and radio are particularly bad. You get a small handful of headlines at the start - maybe 5 or 6, and that, dear reader, is your world news for today. No matter what else has happened, you ain't going to hear about it. And then the rest of the programme is taken up with the special editor for this or that appearing on location, in a hotel, or in front of a meaningful building "somewhere", telling us little more than the newsreader did, followed up by long minutes of speculation and opinion being thrown at us as if it were the news. I guess they think we are more inclined to be impressed by them if they are giving us the news "on location".
Then there is the aggressive interview. Some politician whose party or who personally has done something to make a headline is sat in front of a camera or a microphone and someone like Eddie Mair or John Humphrys fires off questions designed to get one word admissions and headline grabbing scoop statements so they can tell us that we heard it on their programme first. The belligerent aggressive tone of much of the interviewing is breathtaking. Moreover, if the interviewee declines to answer by bodyswerving the question, they are usually asked the same question again at least 4 or 5 times, albeit with slightly different words. But the answer which the interviewer wants to elicit is not so much news as a headline grabber. I want news, not the carousel of questions which the interviewer thinks will enhance his or her reputation.
So what do we do? If you can, you could always switch the news off after you have heard the headlines, because believe you me, you really won't know much more by the end of the programme. Perhaps we could all switch to buying the i, cheap and full of news.
The fact is, the media have trained us to expect and understand news in the way they deliver it. It is a tyranny and a conspiracy. I have heard of a couple of guys who run a news station in the New York I think, and all they do is give brief news headlines when they go on air. Great. And when I want opinions, I can listen to Question Time.....just don't get me started. 

Tuesday 8 April 2014

Let the revolutions begin - end the tyranny no. 1: the unsolicited tele-sales call

Right. For all you who hate these calls but are a little unsure of how to deal with them, let me give some advice on how you can get a little fun out of these scourges of our existence.
The first thing you have to remember is that a tele-sales person relies on the fact that you are basically polite, won't tell lies, answer truthfully, and don't want to hang up without some form of closure like "No thanks, goodbye." They are never going to allow you to do that. They have learned to speak non stop for long minutes, and they will only ask you questions to which your ego or innate sense of politeness tells you the answer has to be either "Yes" or "I don't know" either of which will then give them permission to go on at even greater length.  If you happen to be lucky enough to get a recorded sales pitch, then fine, just hang up, they don't count.
The next thing you need to do is when you pick up your phone to answer it, never ever say who you are or even give out your number or any detail at all! This is very important. Say "Hello" and wait, or if you have the bottle, say nothing at all, because it's really up to the caller to greet you and introduce themselves. If it's an unwanted sales call they will ask if you are Mr or Ms John Smith. At this point if they have a wrong name, you just say, "Sorry wrong number" and hang up immediately! If they have the RIGHT name, this is where tactics need to be employed.
First, you ask, "Who is calling?" without having admitted that you are the person they have just mentioned. They then should give you enough information to decide on whether you want to take this call or not. If they don't give you enough information then persist with your questions, ignoring theirs, until you have the info you want. If you don't want to continue with the call, you have a number of options. If they want to sell you some home improvement stuff, double glazing or some such thing, simply say "I'm sorry, I don't own this house." This will probably be true unless you do own it outright and have paid off the mortgage. If you do own it outright, and don't want to tell a fib, or they want to sell you something which is not related to ownership of the property, then you could ask them to repeat who it is they want to speak to. If they ask you outright if you are that person, just say, "Hold on I'll see if he/she is available." That way, you are not lying, just buying yourself time. Put the phone down, and ask yourself if you are available for this particular call. The answer should be "NO" unless you have lost all sense of time, order and priority, and desperately want to hear the sound of another human being. Having decided that you are not available, you pick up the phone and say,"Sorry he/she is not available at this time." If they are quick enough to ask who you are, just say that you are a friend which is true. If they ask when the person might be available you simply say you don't know and need to go now, "Goodbye" and ignore any questions about when might be a good time to call back.
Now, if you want to have a little fun, you could use a different approach, although it does require a little dissembling, which in my book is ok with tele-sales calls. So, when they ask "Is that Mr/Ms/Mrs So and so?" you reply that Mr So and so has just gone to prison, but would welcome the opportunity to talk to this company if they (the caller) can just give you a number to pass on, and said person will phone them from prison if they can do a reverse the charges or free number call. Usually the caller beats a hasty retreat. You can invent any number of different scenarios which will also discourage the caller, like, "He's in the middle of a law suit against a tel-sales company for misrepresentation of goods". Really your imagination is your only limit.
Should the caller be trying to gain access to your computer, this is definitely a scam. Give nothing away. If they ask if you use Microsoft or Word tell them you don't know (act dumb), and do NOT do anything they tell you with regard to your own computer, like type in a code or address they give you. Ask the caller for his or her name - I once got Albert Einstein I kid you not! Then ask for the manager's name. Then ask for the manager's Microsoft Authorisation Code, which if they have the presence of mind to deal with, they will make up on the spot. At that point tell them it has too many (or too few) characters in it to be correct, and hang up.
So, take control of the process, be robust, creative and have fun.